Your greatest stressor: expectations

While in a meeting the other day, a high level executive mentioned that he has been chronicling some of the extremes that he’s experienced since moving to Chicago last year. Among them was this gem: Every day, a well-dressed woman arrives at his stately home, and for about a half-hour or 45-minutes, she stands on the sidewalk, gazing at the home.

Apparently, this woman didn’t restrict her visits to daylight hours. One morning around three o’clock, the executive and his wife were awakened by repeated flashes of light hitting their bedroom wall. The flashes were coming from a car parked across the street. The couple was understandably unnerved.

One Saturday the executive spotted the woman outside and ventured down the long driveway to greet her. When they were face-to-face, he asked if there was anything he could do to assist her. Most of us don’t value civility as much as this man, and probably would have greeted her quite differently.

Pointing to the house, the visitor explained that it was the home of her dreams. That’s why she felt compelled to spend time visually embracing it every day. The man found her response quite odd. I didn’t.

This woman was exhibiting all the predictable symptoms of someone who has a small library of books and tapes proclaiming that she can have anything she wants. Typically, this material outlines several steps for manifesting one’s desires.

Without serious thought or question, this woman had followed step one: We must make our desires our most dominant thought, and we must expect our desires to manifest. Her daily visits and the pleasure she derived from them demonstrated the next steps: We must visualize our desired object in great detail–soffit, fascia and slant of roof–and experience the same emotion we’d feel if we’d already received it.

That is, after all, “The Secret” that brought millions of dollars to those who produced and sold the book, CD, DVD, audiobook, soundtrack, “secret scrolls” email messages and even daily text messages promoting this extreme and implausible interpretation of the spiritual law of attraction. It didn’t bring nearly that much cash or comfort to those who bought it, which is precisely why I was compelled to write Crossing an Unseen Bridge: The Law of Attraction Secrets No One Wants to Talk About.

Let’s get real: Everyone who has experienced a disappointment–including those who spent their hard-earned money buying secrets–knows that life doesn’t work like that. It would be impossible for us to have been disappointed if we hadn’t been focused on our desire, expected to receive it. Just the thought of having it made us giddy. There, we did all the steps. Where’s our stuff?

Conversely, if we accept this as the secret to the human creative process, then we are forced to believe that everyone who was ever diagnosed with a disease they couldn’t pronounce and had never heard of manifested that disease because they’d held it in their minds as a dominant thought.

Give me a break! Didn’t we go through all those steps the last time we applied for a job? Didn’t we obsess about getting that offer letter? Didn’t we envision the details of our lives and lifestyles, if we had a bigger office or a larger paycheck–or in this recession, a paycheck, period? We might have even pondered the best route to work to avoid the traffic. Do we land every job for which we apply?

Starting tomorrow, if five people stand in front of their dream homes for an hour every day for a year; if they embed every detail of the houses’ architecture into their minds; if they visualize themselves bringing in groceries, washing clothes, making beds and watching TV in those homes; and if they replicate the excitement they’d feel if the homes had become their residences, will all of them eventually live in those homes? I rest my case.

Remember: If it doesn’t happen the same way, 100% of the time, for 100% of the people, it’s not a law. Maybe the real secret is that we should stop believing things that our own experience tells us are not true. Maybe we should stop trying to be in control–and stop listening to people who tell us to place demands on the Universe/God because It/He responds to our commands/prayers.

After years of inconsistent results from applying this so-called law, we conclude that either we aren’t really in control or we’re not smart enough, persistent enough, consistent enough, faithful enough or ”favored” enough to get what we want, when we want it, in exactly the right size, shape and color, without fail.

When we mention that we didn’t get the results we desired or expected, we’re often told that we must have let a fleeting negative thought creep into our minds, and it negated weeks or months of positive thoughts. A fleeting negative thought is more powerful than a hundreds of positive ones. Not only is that bad messaging, it’s just downright scary.

Luckily, it only works for a limited time. Eventually, thinking people see the gaping holes in that theory and they stop coming to hear it. We have been fed unrealistic expectations by well-meaning people who thought that they were inspiring, motivating and empowering us to do great things.

How do we achieve great things? What should we believe? It depends upon whether you’re open to the possibility that your physical life and your path were created to serve your soul, not your body. Whatever you have right now, whatever you’re experiencing right now–if you haven’t gotten in your own way by imposing your will–is precisely what you’re supposed to have and experience at this moment.

It’s possible that every one of your experiences is a teachable one, a growth opportunity. Embrace that experience; focus on finding the lesson and the blessing in it. If you can’t detect or even fathom a blessing in what you’re going through right now, ask for it to be revealed to you. Then act as if you really want to know: listen. When the answer appears and you don’t know what to do with it, ask for direction. Then listen.

Earth Is the Mother of All Drama Queens readers know that I have gained tremendous insights from the turmoil that I have experienced in my lifetime. Soon, I’ll share with you my latest drama, and how applying the lessons I’ve learned–especially the ones about imposing my will–brought it to an astoundingly better conclusion than I could ever have designed, desired or expected.

To those who are waiting for a big breakthrough, a great relationship, a new job or a miracle: You are more than a physical being with physical needs and desires. You don’t alway have what your bodys wants; but you always have what your souls need. Seeing and being the Light within you could shift some static energy or attract some complementary light to you.

When you fixate on your physicality and your physical needs, you can’t see the big picture and you limit your possibilities. Sometimes situations such as the one you’re experiencing appear and recur to provide you an opportunity to question your expectations and beliefs, or to practice trusting that everything is going to resolve itself for your highest good–and the highest good of everyone involved in a situation.

Seize the opportunity your soul has created. Work with it, not against it. Learn, practice and master the lesson so that you no longer need to have this undesired physical experience.

I predict that the lesson the daily visitor on Longwood Drive will learn is that fixating on someone else’s home can make you miss the one that’s really yours.

Is Your Consciousness Ascending?

As I watched the sunrise this Easter morning, a question popped into my mind. Perhaps you have asked yourself the same thing, but were afraid to ask it of anyone else. It’s not a simple question, and maybe you’re not ready for it; but the Loud Mouth is here to help if you get stuck. Read it slowly and repeatedly, if necessary:

Can we accurately call ourselves Christians if we believe in and try to practice the powerful teachings of Jesus, but it doesn’t make sense to us that God allowed Jesus to be brutally tortured and murdered three short years into his ministry, in lieu of satanically brutalizing the rest of us throughout all eternity?

Is prayer a "law?"

Most of us are quite confused when we try to understand how--or if--prayer works, especially when we're told that whatever we ask, in prayer, we will receive. Our experience tells us that this is not always true.

For example, many of us received (and continue to receive) emails urging us to pray for the protection of then-candidate, now President Obama. What I find so interesting about this type of message is that it presumes that God will not protect our president from malicious people unless millions of us pray. I'm guessing that's the number since hundreds of thousands prayed for Rev. Rick Warren's wife to be healed. Many feel that their prayers failed.

Whether we realize it or not, this concept of so-called "failed" prayer really portrays God not only as capricious, but diabolically so. If we're honest, that's what we've been taught. Some people's prayers are answered--others, well, maybe next time.

This diabolical behavior sounds suspiciously like that of mythological gods who were rumored to live on mountains on the other side of the clouds. These megalomaniacs commanded, conspired, brutally killed, raped virgins and terrorized the poor humans below, forcing them to supplicate, worship and sacrifice for the gods’ mercy–or face their wrath.

Even after monotheism banished this storied band of bad boys from the celestial mountain range, the belief in capricious and misanthropic behavior lurked behind–and was transferred to One God. By the time the storytellers finished, this god was unmistakably bipolar. Even in the 21st century, we still believe in a loving God who solves problems by killing and torturing his children. Today’s headlines scream of parents who mimic this filicide. I strongly believe that there is a connection.

Because we still cling to the mythical portrayal of God as tyrannical judge and executioner, we often pray to appease His anger and violence. We pray for mercy and forgiveness. In Crossing an Unseen Bridge: The Law of Attraction Secrets No One Wants to Talk about, you met a former client who was a victim of this stinkin’ thinkin’. After he was charged with a federal crime, this mini-mogul sought strategic PR counsel. By that time, he had been stricken with religion, or more accurately, religiosity. Most sentences included, “My Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.” He attended three church services on Sundays.

Honoring the ancient belief that God rewards sacrifices of money or freshly slaughtered meat, he donated generously to his church. He lavished gifts on his pastor. His Bible was always at his fingertips. Every time I spoke with this man, he mentioned that he had begun the day at 5 a.m., on his knees.

The update: He wakes in the federal pokey every morning now. I doubt that he ever falls on his knees. Like so many of us, he did all the things that religiosity dictates, and it didn’t work. How many more centuries will it take for us to evolve beyond Greek mythology?

We’re not always sure that our prayers will be answered, and we get mad when they aren’t. We do it again and again, hoping to improve our average. At some point, we have all prayed from the depths of our hearts that a loved one would fully recuperate from a serious illness, and it didn’t happen. We have all prayed to win something, own something, keep something or someone, cure or be cured, and it didn’t happen.

We have seen others pray and get precisely what they wanted. Do they always win? No. Experience has repeatedly taught us that there is a chance our prayers will be “answered,” and a chance that they will not. Knowing that, why are we so bewildered, brokenhearted or even angry when we go to the mountaintop and are sent home empty-handed? Why do we treat prayer as if it’s not only a slam dunk, it’s a spiritual law?

In Crossing an Unseen Bridge, I define a law as something that works the same way for 100% of the people, 100% of the time. If you and I release a handful of pencils, will yours float to the ceiling and mine fall to the floor? No. They are governed by the law of gravity, which doesn’t respond unpredictably. There’s no 50 percent or 99 percent chance that my pencils will fall. All of those jokers are going to hit the ground. Period.

Is the same true with prayer? No matter what someone tells us or tries to shame us into thinking, the outcome of prayer, as we understand it and as we have experienced it, is uncertain.

Have we believed so long in a capricious God, who highly favors some and curses others, that it is too late to think a new thought about prayer, too late to realign our expectations, too late to trust that everything will work out just fine--no matter what it looks like on the surface? Have we believed so long that the outcome our personalities' desire is our souls' desired outcome that we are convinced that our prayers weren't answered?

Those of you who have read my books know that I have had my share of drama. While none of it felt good while I was going through it, in retrospect, you were able to see how every bit of it benefited me, how my path was clearly paved to lead me to a powerful destination. You also know that it wasn't until I chose to use my prayer time to receive direction, rather than to direct God, that the miracles began to show up.

That's the beauty of these experiences. That's how I discovered what prayer is and isn't. Redefined, it now has become a law for me. I only have one prayer, one miraculous prayer that releases all anxiety and repels all worry about outcome. It is this: "I pray that everything is resolved for the Highest Good of all concerned--in the most perfect way, at the most perfect time. And so it is. Amen."

You can trust God like that. In return, I guarantee that you will get what you want 100% of the time.

Meanwhile, down there on the stage...

TV Guide documented Maiysha's week of activities at the Grammys. (Minus the part where she was roped into singing back-up for Bobby Brown. Some moments in our lives should simply be left on the cutting room floor.)

Anyway, you only get to be a first-time Grammy nominee (or Mom and Dad) once. I hope you enjoy watching the experience from your balcony as much as I did from mine. http://www.hulu.com/watch/65834/mvids-maiysha-road-to-the-grammys